How Our Personality Affects the Way We Approach Friendship

5 min read

People differ immensely in how they handle the social world. Put simply, some people find making and sustaining friendships significantly easier than others. 

This can be partially related to our personality type, which can be thought of as something we either have or don’t have, or viewed as a ‘dimension’.

Introversion and extroversion personality types, to take one example, are generally regarded as dimensional.  It’s thought that most people sit at one end or the other of this spectrum. Though some, known as ambiverts, sit in or around  the middle, switching between the two states depending on their mood and the social circumstances they find themselves in. 

Unsurprisingly, our personality type influences how we behave in social situations.

Extroversion tends to be manifested in outgoing, talkative, assertive behaviour whilst introversion is characterised by more inner-directed, thoughtful, reserved behaviour. Generally speaking, extroverts enjoy sociability, seek out excitement, and like being the centre of attention. Introverts, by contrast, are typically most comfortable relating to other people in small groups and in one-to-one relationships and are energised by spending time alone.  

If you’re wondering which category you fall into, why not try this quick quiz?

It’s interesting to consider how the different ways introverts and extroverts appear to approach friendship affects the dynamics of those friendships. 

A fascinating article in Psychology Today considers whether introverts make better friends than extroverts, because they invest more in each of their fewer friendships? Or whether it’s the other way around, because extroverts are better at reaching out to others? 

The writer believes that it doesn’t really matter. Provided there’s an element of give and take, accompanied by mutual respect. Ultimately, what matters is the identification of ‘common ground, what both introverts and extroverts need in their lives: people who get them.’

But wherever you sit, it’s important to factor in and consider the different needs that people have when socialising with others. And, as many of us are familiar with the terms, we find it’s a useful way of assessing how you are likely to interact with each other in the BuddyHub community. It also helps us to continually design our services to best reflect different members’ needs. 

What does this mean for you as a member of BuddyHub?

We know some of you are shy and might also suffer from a degree of social anxiety. This can be very challenging in a society that places a premium on being outgoing and having a large personality (from school to the workplace and on into wider society). 

But these things aren’t fixed in stone. People tend to get more extroverted as they get older. This is probably something to do with our experience of socialising with people as we go through life. Developing greater confidence about how to handle social situations, becoming less inhibited and caring less about making a fool of ourselves. That said, particularly as we age, we may be less motivated to get out and about meeting people. It can seem easier simply to stay at home and enjoy your own company!

And wherever you think you’re placed on the introversion/extroversion spectrum, don’t let it hold you back when it comes to getting involved in BuddyHub activities. Because we’re always thinking of ways to make people feel more comfortable meeting new people. We’ll help break the ice. Support you through the introduction process in whatever way we can. And steer you towards activities that suit your particular needs and circumstances.

Meeting people who get you

As you’ll have gathered, BuddyHub is very interested in what makes our members tick. If you decide to join our community, we will ask you a set of questions about your interests, hobbies and beliefs. This helps us get to know you a little better and find the best matches possible. It also means that we can continue to design our services around the varying needs of our members.

In practical terms, BuddyHub has already been designed to cater for different social needs. Our Friendship Wheels are perfect for developing one-to-one or small group friendships. While our Friendship Clubs provide the opportunity to meet other members, often in larger groups, and develop friendships around a common theme or activity.

On a broader scale, our community platform on Circle allows members to engage with each other online. This can be a great way of getting to know other members before meeting up face-to-face, which some people can find a little daunting until you’ve got to know the person first.  

Horses for courses

In all of this, we recognise that different cultural environments can appeal to different people in different ways. Some of these differences of cultural expression are socially conditioned. And some may reflect different cultural origins. 

Walking is an activity that has across-the-board appeal. To reflect this appeal, BuddyHub has launched a Nature Club where walks based in your area are a popular feature. Interestingly, it turns out that the need to synchronise your walking pace with another person releases endorphins. They not only stimulate relaxation and improve our mood but yes, you’ve guessed it, also help people bond. All the more reason to join! 

Singing also has wide appeal. And it’s believed that the fastest way for a group of people to bond together is to sing together. Perhaps this is why we find examples of group singing in all cultures. So watch out for some upcoming singing opportunities with Culture Club. 

We believe that we’re all individuals with different social needs and will find some activities more congenial than others. As such we aim to design our services around what you want. 

Whatever your personality, why not come and find out how BuddyHub can immeasurably enrich your social life and perhaps give you a more positive outlook on the world.

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Why We’re Happier When We’ve Got Friends

10 min read

According to Aristotle, the famous Greek philosopher, ‘Man is by nature a social animal.’ He regarded friendship as an essential constituent of both a good society and a good life. Sitting at the heart of a good society because of its contribution to civic democracy. And at the heart of a good life because it nurtured wisdom and happiness.

Fast forward to the modern day, and evolutionary biologists believe primates developed large brains to both manage their social relationships as well as navigate a hostile world. Using their increased cognitive ability to develop social skills and maintain positive relationships within the group to improve shared chances of survival in the face of ever-present predators.

Deploying greater social awareness helped us to cooperate with others. Developing language and culture helped us foster closer social bonds. Ultimately, civilisation developed because of our capacity to live and work together in increasingly large social groups. Identifying opportunities and facing challenges together to create the complex societies that developed in Mesopotamia, Egypt and elsewhere in early human history.

But it’s not just about improved cooperation. Numerous medical studies published over the years have shown that effective friendships offer multiple benefits to both mental and physical health.

Friendships can help keep your mind sharp. Support you through tough times. And help you live longer as you manage stress better.

They improve mental health by providing a strong sense of companionship, mitigating feelings of loneliness, and boosting self-esteem.

Friendships also reduce the risk of contracting many medical conditions, reducing the risk of high blood pressure, cardiovascular disease, various cancers and an unhealthy body mass index (BMI).  

Put simply, we live longer as friendships make us happier. There’s even a neurological basis for this: regular social interactions release feel good chemicals in the brain. Which means we do it over and over again to get that dopamine rush!

The limits of technology

On the face of it, our increasingly connected technology-based world appears to offer greater opportunities to interact with people on a social level. In reality, for all its benefits at a general economic level, nothing could be further from the truth.  

As an article in the Independent reported, ‘our reliance on social media can have a detrimental effect on our mental health, with the average Briton checking their phone as much as 28 times a day.’ While many people benefit from the increased social interaction offered by social media platforms, using them too frequently can lead to a rise in unhappiness, social isolation and anxiety. It can also generate FOMO, affect our sleep and impact on our ability to concentrate.  

The renowned Italian author Umberto Eco sums it up rather neatly in a fascinating piece in CubaDebate: ‘The Internet is one thing and its opposite. It could remedy the loneliness of many, but it turns out that it has multiplied it. The internet has allowed many to work from home, and that has increased their isolation. And it generates its own remedies to eliminate that isolation, Twitter, Facebook, which end up increasing it…’ (Translated from the Spanish original.)

Worse still, recent research suggests that using smartphones during face-to-face social interactions (sadly, all too common!) decreases enjoyment in the company of others, and is linked to greater boredom and worse overall mood.

Ultimately, using the internet is no substitute for genuine, face-to-face social interaction with a range of good friends. By creating multiple, often superficial, online connections, social media undermines your ability to engage with those people in real life who can offer meaningful, fulfilling relationships.

The loneliness of crowds

But we know it can be difficult to make or maintain friends these days, especially in the city. We live in a time when people move around a lot as they go through education, change jobs or move home. All of which makes it hard to develop and sustain relationships.

However, it doesn’t have to be that way. 

BuddyHub exists to help you make the first move and nourish your inner circle. And is being developed with the assistance of evolutionary anthropologist Professor Robin Dunbar. Dunbar is the world’s leading expert on the important role played by friendship in the development of human society and its significance for our health and happiness. 

Our innovative friendship model offers you the opportunity to boost your social networks through face-to-face interactions with people who share your interests, beliefs and outlook on the world.

It allows you to harness the emotional power provided by deep connection with others, unlocking the potential for meaningful friendships that go beyond superficial interactions.

This is reflected in our Friendship Wheels which provide the opportunity to be quickly matched with other members. Using Dunbar’s concept of the Seven Pillars of Friendship to bring people together based on the cultural factors they have in common (including hobbies, moral and political values, and sense of humour).

And is seen also in our Friendship Clubs, which provide multiple opportunities to share skills and interests with one another, open your eyes to new experiences and try something different.

We provide a weekly ‘Community Connect’ session via our online platform, where you can chat with BuddyHub’s Community Manager and make your voice heard.

In addition, we will also be hosting monthly events for new and existing members based around relationship skills-building and accelerated bonding opportunities.

In a nutshell, BuddyHub gives you the opportunity to slow down, reflect on what’s important in life and incorporate a greater sense of purpose and belonging in your social life.  

Friendship is a fruit which ripens slowly

But why choose us when there are a number of friendship agencies out there which offer introduction services. Along with online friendship apps which appear to provide a useful way to meet new people. Firstly, the agencies tend to be restricted by age, professional status or geography. While the apps are unlikely to be able to facilitate face-to-face connections. All are driven by commercial imperatives.

Of course, you can always go down the pub. Get an allotment. Or buy a dog and meet fellow dog-owners when out walking it.

But these options simply don’t work for everyone. So, what can BuddyHub offer you which sets us apart from others?

For starters, we’re a Community Interest Company, which means we operate for the public benefit.

As you might expect, we embrace diversity, welcoming members from different backgrounds, ages, sexes/genders and races. We welcome people with a range of values, hobbies and interests. All united by their belief in the power of community and their wish to broaden their friendship circles.

We are passionate about intergenerational connection and the power this has to both restore something we’ve lost in society as communities have fragmented and shift our perspectives in more fruitful directions, promoting positive emotions and human flourishing.

We are proud of the way BuddyHub provides a safe space to engage with other people, experience a sense of belonging and feel both seen and heard (in contrast to the noise and the divisiveness of so much social media).

Finally, we are interested in the depth of connection that can be made between people in the right circumstances and the powerful ability we retain as human beings to make real, long-lasting friendships.

Your new friends are waiting for you

With the fragmentation of society and disappearance of older forms of community, the decline of religion in a more secular western world, and a more individualised working experience, meeting new people can be difficult.

We can help you make new friends, feel good about both yourself and the world around you, and help you get on with your life in the way you want to. 

If you would like to find out more, why not take a look at our website, email us with any questions you might have at hello@buddyhub.co.uk or come along to one of our upcoming events. 

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How the New BuddyHub Clubs Will Improve Our Friendship Offer

8 min read

People need people. And becoming a member of BuddyHub is an investment in your own well-being as well as that of others. Giving you the opportunity via our innovative Friendship Wheels to make new local friends who share your interests. Experience the good and bad in life with like-minded people. And feel a sense of belonging in an uncertain, ever-changing world.

All as part of a growing community of purpose bonded by kindness and friendship.

But we know that the Friendship Wheels, which are based on groups of three or four people, are only part of the story. For sure, we have the closest relationships with our inner circle of friends. But it doesn’t end there.

Evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar is an expert on the social science behind the formation of friendships. He’s best known for ‘Dunbar’s number’, which he defines as the typical number of stable relationships people can sustain at any one time.

Birds of a feather flock together

In parallel, Dunbar has identified what he calls the Seven Pillars of Friendship. These are the cultural factors we have in common that bring us together. And includes hobbies and interests, moral, political and religious views, and sense of humour.

Reflecting this social science in the design of our service has played an important part in deciding how to take BuddyHub to the next stage. The logical outcome was to use these findings to further improve our service and enrich the lives of our members. So, we’re developing what we’re calling ‘Friendship Clubs’.  

These are designed to give our members the opportunity to meet more people in the BuddyHub community. Bringing together anyone who is a part of our community, face-to-face, in larger groups of up to 15 members.

The aim is to cover a variety of shared interests. We currently have a few Clubs up and running. Including Nature Club, centred on exploring London’s green spaces. Pub Club, an opportunity to have a pint and a chat while sampling London’s rich pub heritage. And Football Club, which, as you might expect, will focus on the beautiful game!

All BuddyHub members are welcome to join some Clubs. And we are always on the lookout for new ideas of activities people might like to undertake collectively, to help them connect with others in their area.

We anticipate these Friendship Clubs taking place on a regular basis, which might be weekly or monthly. But this is really for the members of each Club to decide for themselves.

Jointly developed

Crucially, they’re being co-created with members. Not only does this give them an explicitly democratic flavour. It gives members the opportunity to influence their design and shape their operation.

We have given this practical expression by a series of co-design events and by:

Our main task in life is to give birth to ourselves

We anticipate the Clubs having a very positive impact on the mental well-being of members because of the amplified opportunities they provide for social interaction which mirror how we form and sustain our relationships in real life.

In this process, it’s worth noting that they are a positive illustration of the continued relevance of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. For those not familiar with the theory (not without its critics but still a very helpful tool for understanding behaviour) psychologist Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is one of the best-known theories of human motivation. Arguing that our actions are motivated by a number of defined physiological and psychological needs that progress from a basic to a more complex level.

As you might expect, the higher levels include:

Maslow later added three additional needs to his original hierarchy, including what he called ‘Transcendence needs’. He believed that we are driven to look beyond the physical self in search of meaning. In his words:

‘Transcendence refers to the very highest and most inclusive or holistic levels of human consciousness, behaving and relating, as ends rather than means, to oneself, to significant others, to human beings in general, to other species, to nature, and to the cosmos.’

That’s really rather wonderful! We wouldn’t claim that our Friendship Clubs will necessarily deliver a higher spiritual dimension. But they definitely provide the opportunity to care for others, seek greater meaning in our lives and experience personal fulfilment.     

Why not give the Friendship Clubs a try?

If you’re already a member, why not try joining a Club (or two!)? 

To find out more, you can connect with our community platform hosted on Circle, and use this to  share your thoughts and feelings, as well as stay up to date with upcoming club events. 

If you’re completely new to BuddyHub, why not join us at an upcoming event and get a feel for what it’s all about? Or, if you’ve already decided to join us, fill in your registration details here and a member of the team will be in touch. 

Whatever route you choose, this is your opportunity to find out how we can help you make new friends, feel good about both yourself and the world around you, and get on with life in the way you want.

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Why Is BuddyHub Shifting to a Membership Model? And How Might This Affect You.

Changes are afoot at BuddyHub, the intergenerational friendship club! Let’s take a few minutes to explore them. 

10 min read

When we established BuddyHub in 2014, our aim was to address loneliness and isolation amongst older people whose health or life situation was getting in the way of their social life.  

We knew we were developing a service better designed to tackle this growing societal problem than traditional befriending services. Our innovation had several strands:

The goal was a pathway to financial sustainability for our social enterprise. Avoiding the operational challenges faced by charities who are reliant on scarce grant funding which limits their growth and restricts their reach. 

Later on, we realised we were still rooted in the standard charity paradigm of an older person/younger volunteer model. Saying to older people we would be matching them with local volunteers had always felt a bit awkward because of the two-way nature of friendships in real life. Having one party to the friendship considered a volunteer also made it sound transactional with one side giving and the other side taking. And reinforced the prevailing, ageist narratives about ‘old people’ as passive recipients of external help.

The pandemic brought into sharp relief the social pressures people face in today’s uncertain, ever-changing world. And has prompted many younger people to look at ways of building up their friendship circles so as not to experience loneliness and social isolation. Not least as evidence builds of the importance of having robust social networks that we can fall back on when we experience challenging episodes in life.

The experience of creating hundreds of friendship matches has taught us how much the usually younger people we matched with our older members were benefiting from these sometimes life-changing friendships. That helped them cope with the uncertainties of life whilst often living far from home and family. And provided an opportunity to meet people outside their often narrow social bubbles and gain new perspectives.

Without change, there is no innovation

Last year, we had a light bulb moment! The time had come to move away from the artificial separation in Friendship Wheels between usually older, core members and their ‘volunteer’ Buddies to create a universal model that places everyone on an equal footing as a member, with equal rights and equal responsibilities.  

The traditional charitable model clearly works well in a variety of settings. But, as a social enterprise, our mission has always been to establish something completely new. Which empowered people by giving them the opportunity to take control of their lives. 

Having said this, we also understand that many of our Buddies identify strongly as volunteers (particularly as many found us via volunteer platforms). Precisely because volunteering offers opportunities to provide a sense of purpose, often missing in today’s society, as well as develop new skills and have fun. So, we’re pleased that our new membership model retains the often transformative benefits that younger people can expect to experience by becoming a member of BuddyHub, including:

We firmly believe this holistic approach will:

What does this mean for you?

Everyone who joins BuddyHub as a member going forward will be on the new subscription model of the same monthly membership fee plus a joining fee, regardless of age, as we move from an original subscription scheme where older members pay a monthly fee and younger Buddies pay nothing. 

Existing Buddies are being offered a free trial rate during Spring giving them the chance to experience our new in-development Clubs service. The monthly rate will then be £15 or the same as any discounted rate available to new members on the website. At the same time, we will start a campaign to attract Community Sponsors to fund free memberships for older people in financial deprivation. 

We recognise some Buddies, who joined under our original subscription model, will not welcome the shift but we need to be honest and direct with members. And we hope the rationale for the change is clear:

The crucial point is that our new subscription model is designed to provide us with a sustainable business model over the long term. This will allow us to grow the organisation, attract and pay our staff fairly, expand our reach and provide our services to a much wider group of people. 

It also sits well with our status as a Community Interest Company (CIC), meaning we are here to benefit the public. The majority of any profits we make (currently none!) are invested back into the business to maintain our services and fund expansion plans.

Finding personal fulfilment

Whilst making these changes, our core values remain the same.  Friendship, connecting to others, having fun, respect and compassion drive everything that we do. Our offer hasn’t changed; it’s been improved with the new Clubs service.

Personal fulfilment remains at the heart of BuddyHub’s social purpose so it’s been interesting to see the results of some research we undertook recently with members. This clearly shows many of you are actively seeking greater meaning in your lives. Looking to have deeper connections with people. And hoping to develop friendships in new arenas that are linked to a sense of purpose. 

Becoming a member of BuddyHub is an investment in your own well-being as well as that of others.

What happens next

We’re excited by the new friendship opportunities we’re creating. 

If you’re already a member, we hope you’re reaping the rewards and are very happy to talk to you about any questions you might have.  

If you’re not a member, come and join us and find out how BuddyHub can benefit you!

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